Crockpot Hoppin’ John

Crockpot Hoppin’ John recipe by LeSashea Feagin

I found a recipe on one of my favorite sites, Thug Kitchen, for a flavorful, meatless New Year’s dish called “Hoppin’ John”. Serving suggestions were to put it over kale and rice with chopped up green onions. The Thug in the kitchen, though, has no aversion to the stove. He’s a thug. Thugs fear no stove. I am not as bold.

I tweaked the recipe to make it crock-able, guesstimated on the increase in ingredient additions, and prayed. Numbers are here despite my disdain for hierarchy. Necessary evil.

 

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Ingredients:

You need this. For the beans.

In this order.

Read left to right. Top to bottom.

2 – one pound bags of dried black-eyed peas

2 yellow onions

4 bell peppers (green, red, yellow, whatever. I wanted to use more color, but I only had green. Sad face)

6 stalks (is that what they are called? stalks?) of celery

4 bay leaves

3 – 12 oz boxes of low sodium chicken broth

4 teaspoons olive oil

6 cloves of garlic

3 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce

3 teaspoons of dried thyme

2 teaspoons dried oregano

1 tablespoon paprika

10 or so turns of the pepper grinder worth of pepper

½ teaspoon Kosher or sea salt

 
     

You need this. For the rice.

In this order.

Read left to right. Top to bottom.

1 cup of white rice

2 cups of chicken broth

 
     

You need this. For the salad.

In this order.

Read left to right. Top to bottom

Kale

Olive oil

Fresh spinach

Green onion, diced

   

 

Step 1: First things first. You want to rinse your beans. I throw them in a container with 10 parts water, 1 part vinegar and let them just sit for 10 minutes, swish around, let sit for 10 more minutes, strain. Then I rinse with cold water. (time in kitchen: 1 minute. What? Leave when they are soaking. Come back and swish. Leave again. Whatcha watching them for? They won’t do anything spectacular. They. Are. Beans.)

Step 2: Rinse beans with cold water. (2 minutes)

Step 3: Put the beans in a bowl to soak. Cover with about 6 inches of extra water overnight. Soaking overnight shortens the cooking time because the beans will already be expanded. If you do soak overnight, cover with foil and poke a few holes in it. There’s gas escaping whilst the beans are being rehydrated. This mixture needs to breathe. Soaking advantage: less gastrointestinal discomfort after consumption. (time in the kitchen: 30 seconds.)

Step 4: Rise and shine, cupcake. Get those onions and chop ‘em up real pretty-like. Sit in a bowl. (1 minute, max.)

Step 5: Chop up the celery and bell peppers. Sit in a separate bowl. (1 minute max)

Step 6: Put the olive oil into a pot and heat it up. (If you’ve got a nice cast iron, 30 seconds)

Step 7: Cook the onion until it turns a little brown and is smelling up the kitchen. Make sure the oil coats the onion chunks. (1 minute or so)

Step 8: Add the celery and bell pepper to the mix and cook until they are soft-ish. (Call it 2 minutes)

Step 9: Throw this mixture in the crock. Oooh. Put those bay leaves in there too. (2 seconds)

Step 10: Pull those beans out and drain them of the water. (10 seconds)

Step 11: Throw them in the crock. (2 seconds)

Step 12: Pour the 3 boxes of broth into the crockpot. (45 seconds)

Step 13: Start cooking them on low. Top on please. (10 seconds)

Step 14: Mince up those garlic cloves. (1 minute if you’ve got to peel them)

Step 15: Split three peppers in half lengthwise. Scrape out the seeds. Move them very far away. To the trash bin. Those little things are HOT! (30 seconds. 10 seconds on each pepper)

Step 16: Mince all three peppers and mix with the garlic. (15 seconds)

Step 17: Throw that mixture in the crockpot. (2 seconds)

Step 18: Turn up the heat on the pot. Like… put it on high. For 4 hours, why not? (10 seconds)

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Step 18: Go away. Leave the kitchen. Read a book. Go to work. Make some tea. Whatever. You got 6 hours until your dinner is done. Turn up, why don’tcha?

Step 19: About 45 minutes before your beans are all done, put one cup of rice, two cups of chicken broth in the rice cooker. (1 minute)

Step 20: Finish that tea you were sipping on whilst waiting for the beans. Do this in your bedroom. Maybe post something on Facebook about how delicious dinner will be.

Step 19: About 5 minutes before bean time, rinse your kale. Rub it with some oil, extra virgin olive, if you’ve got it. (10 minutes. You gotta rub the oil in REAL good)

Step 20: Chop the kale up into bite-sized pieces. (If it’s bundled properly, this oughta be a 1 minute job)

Step 21: Mix one part kale, one part spinach in a bowl. Toss. (30 seconds)

Step 22: Chop up that green onion I told you about. Put in a lil bowl off to the side. (30 seconds, easy)

Step 23: Arrange the kale/spinach mix on plates. (5 seconds per plate)

Step 24: Scoop some rice over top the kale. (2 seconds per plate)

Step 25: Scoop some beans over top that. (2 seconds per plate)

Step 26: Sprinkle the chopped up green onion. (1 second per plate)

Step 27: Take a picture and tell your Facebook friends all about how you are about to SMASH!

Step 28: Eat.

 

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How’s my time?

Roughly 30 minutes in the kitchen. And most of it not contiguous. WIN! Now. We can eat.

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About cookingwithpatt

Cooking With Patt is a site created to further her dream of publishing and sharing her recipes with the world. Patricia passed away three years ago but her torch was taken over by daughter, Donnee Padgett-Harris, the 7th of her 9 children.

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DON'T ANNOY THE CRAZY WRITER

The Delusions of Donnee Patrese

Live, Nerd, Repeat

Making life better through the perfect application of humor and nerdery

The Moonlight Baker

It all started with a midnight brownie...

A Sweeter Thing

Good Food from the Midwest and much, much more!

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